This post is the ninth in a series.
I did quite a bit of journaling through the time when I was coming to recognize my reality. I would like to share some of these entries with you as a window into what it means to come out. Please come back to read through the rest of the journey. If you haven’t read the first, you can click here to be redirected to that post, called Truth. From there, at the bottom of each post you can navigate to the next.
Feb. 21, 2020
I had an interesting experience with a Scripture passage today. It’s from Matthew 6: the part that talks about being careful about doing good deeds, praying and fasting in public. Each section ends with something like, “Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.” I think I have only heard or thought about this passage as discipline: don’t do things this way, it’s wrong. Today, I was approaching the reading from a place of vulnerability, of feeling not so privileged. I have spent a lot of time in the last few weeks processing things without making outward signs. Something significant has occurred in my life, but other than a few people, no one knows. These words in a story about not being all outwardly religious brought comfort. My Father, who sees everything, cares. I have spoken it out loud to others, and need to remind myself, that God cares about the inner, not the outer. Reading this today, where I’m at, in my current state of mind and feeling, I find the assurance that God doesn’t care about the outer to be liberating and transformative. God is present with me through all my thoughts, my doubts, my epiphanies, my fears – even if no one else knows it all.