This post is the fifteenth in a series.
I did quite a bit of journaling through the time when I was coming to recognize my reality. I would like to share some of these entries with you as a window into what it means to come out. Please come back to read through the rest of the journey. If you haven’t read the first, you can click here to be redirected to that post, called Truth. From there, at the bottom of each post you can navigate to the next.
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! Psalm 139:16-17
As I have explored my past and come to recognize that I am non-binary, it is comforting to remember these words of Psalm 139. None of this is a surprise to the Divine. It has been a revelation for me, but the Spirit has known all along. All of the pieces of my life that seemed ill-fitting, all the experiences that didn’t make sense, have always fit perfectly in the Spirit’s understanding of me. When I think, “Why did I do that?” or “Why do I feel that/think that?” the Spirit is saying, “Oh, that’s so you!” Not in a condemning or sarcastic way – the Spirit not only knows me, but accepts completely the me that I am. I may be blind to certain things about myself, deny other things, and actively fight against still other things, but the Spirit is not only aware of all things, but holds all things lovingly together as the unique and valuable me the Divine designed me to be.